Our official decision to help start Generation Church only came last month, but the steps leading up to that have been falling into place for the last two years. It makes me stand in awe of God all over again. It's a story that only He could script and, as always, He's allowed me to see the pieces come together only after I've stepped out in faith. There's no way I could have known two years ago that we'd end up here. I couldn't think it up. I couldn't dream it up. But now that we've said yes, the pieces are coming together. I can look back and see how God was weaving our prayers, desires and pain for His glorious purpose.

Ever since Emmett was born, we've had a bit of a "dry" season in terms of serving and leading within our local church body. It was certainly a time of isolation for us. We stepped down from leading a small group to adjust to our new lives as parents. I don't doubt our decision to pull back, but I also didn't realize how difficult it would be for us to find our place again once we felt like we were treading above water in parenthood. No matter what we sought out, nothing seemed like it was the right "fit" for us. So, we did what we knew and that was show up on Sundays, faithfully tithe and spend time in prayer and the Word.



Week after week, it would be more of the same. No clarity. No vision. I'd spend time in the morning with Jesus and desperately beg Him to give me a place and a purpose and authentic community with others who were in the same season of life as us. I found an online community of women who spend time in the Word together daily and started studying along with them. I wanted so badly to be a part of something big and exciting and to wake up each day knowing I'm exactly where God wants me to be and that I'm spending my time loving others and pointing them towards Jesus. I spent a lot of time thinking about what this could practically look like in my life. Should I start another play group? Should I lead a book club for young mamas? Should I go back to serving with the students?

• Lord, use me!
• Abide, remain, hide in Him.
• We were not meant to go it alone.
• Am I making the most significant impact for the kingdom? (Thanks Jarret!)
• Love others, be the Church, live above reproach.
• God will restore, provide, fill up.
• Am I all in?
• Don't put a period where God puts a comma.
• Don't bail out before the breakthrough.
• You're small and steady acts of faithfulness are being used in big and beautiful ways in the kingdom of God.
• He takes the loose threads and weaves something beautiful.
• Look to Jesus.

Fast forward to the beginning of this summer when we found out that the new church plant was happening. We knew people who were leaving Journey to help, but that didn't sway us, as it shouldn't. Matt and I both assumed that the other wouldn't want to leave Journey. We just never really considered being part of the core group. It was never on our radar. I guess you could say we were waiting for something else, but we didn't know what that was. So, we carried on with the normal - show up, tithe, pray, read and we started the process to become small group leaders once again.

But one Sunday morning, as we were on our way home from Journey, we had an honest conversation about Generation Church. We learned that we were both willing to go. We learned that we both had been praying for something fresh and exciting to be a part of, something bigger than us (and we were also reminded how important it is to communicate with our spouse!). I remember telling my husband that I want to be part of something big, something that God is planning, something really exciting, something far beyond myself. Deep down I knew I'd have regrets if I missed this opportunity. My husband had always thought about being a part of a church plant and realized that he was putting limitations on how God could use him/us. To be honest, this wasn't at all what we pictured our next step to be, but it was what God was presenting to us, and we had the option to say yes or no. It was in that moment that we knew we'd be saying yes.


Looking back on my mornings with Jesus over the last two years, it's clear now that I was in a season of preparation. While, at the time, it appeared that my morning meetings were nothing more than just something a follower of Christ should do, Jesus was orchestrating it all together for His good and for this moment. That time was never in vain. I craved Him. I got to know Him. And He has proved faithful once again. The last two years have been about growing in Him, being faithful to abide and remain in Him, and to be in a place of desperation for Him, so that I would be able to say yes without hesitation for this exact moment. Remember those "big ideas" I listed above? I stand in awe at the work that God was doing, what He was prompting in me and what He was preparing me for. I wrote those down for a reason. He used them to teach me, form me, and remind me of who He is.

• God wants to use me. He invites me to be a part of His work, not mine.
• We find intimacy, clarity, vision and purpose when we remain, abide and hide in Him.
• God created us to live in community and He will be faithful to provide that for me. (I'm so excited to start from the ground up with Generation Church!)
• God is faithful to restore what was lost, provide what I need and fill up what was empty. He's giving me a new place and a new purpose. He's doing a new work in me, restoring me and filling me up so that He can use me to make Jesus famous.
• God wants all of me. I'm all in. There's no other way. God deserves my best and only my best.
• God is writing the story, not me. He may choose to unveil it in ways that I don't agree with or even like, but it's His call, not mine. This includes my time spent in the valley. Just when I think that valley will last forever, He shows up and keeps writing.
• God uses our small and steady acts of faithfulness to build His kingdom. God desires people who will say yes (and keep saying yes) to one thing at a time, no matter how small. Some of the godliest men and women in our world today had to start out with saying yes to the small things too.
• God takes the ugly and makes it beautiful. He brings beauty out of the ashes. He takes our dry seasons, our tough seasons, our valleys and He makes them new and purposeful and glorifying to Him. He makes all things new.
  
  

I'm not naive to think this will be easy. In fact, I believe it'll be one of the most challenging things we'll do. The Enemy will attack. We could experience doubts and frustrations. But one thing I know, is that getting to see God at work, getting to play a part, to be invited to have a role in His plan and watch from the front row is a far greater reward than all the risks. I'm so thankful that we didn't miss this. I'm so thankful that God didn't allow us to miss this and that He was faithful to open our eyes and hearts and minds to His invitation before it was too late. What a mighty God we serve.